


Just Take it All

by orphan_account



Series: 2nd POV Drabbles [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, Why are all my 2nd pov drabbles so sad? no one will ever know tbh, based on give it all by taa, that is all goodbye i'll go cry now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 17:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4530756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> You see them come and go, but never once does he look at you.<br/>-<br/>Your chest collapses in on itself when you hear those words, mirroring his. Hope blooms up like a poisonous flower choking you with every inhale.</p><p>You wish he would give your heart back, but he doesn’t even know he has it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Take it All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phanbubble](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=phanbubble).



> based on [give it all](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLhDKKw421E) by the amity affliction
> 
> i’m sorry i didn’t mean it like this taa just makes me rlly emotional

_Just take it all, my heart, my mind, my every word from out my lungs, my every breath and every thought, take every word I’ve ever said._

“Fuck.”

He doesn’t even bother to knock when he shouts it. He doesn’t have to; he’s always welcome at yours and he knows it.

“What’s wrong?” you ask and you see how his shoulders are shaking, how he’s biting his lip to keep it from trembling and you feel concern spreading through your chest.

You’re on your feet, hugging him, before you know it. He wraps his arms around you, digging his nails into your shoulder blades and it makes pain flare up, but it doesn’t come close to the thousand needles stabbing your chest right now.

You pet his head, whispering soothing words and pecking his hair. You wish this would’ve been different.

He keeps trembling and crying and you don’t know what to do. You want him to be okay, to be happy, and you know he could be that with you but he’s too blind to see it.

“He broke up with me.”

It’s quiet, almost indistinguishable between the sobbing, but you hear it anyways. You always pay a lot of attention to him.

Your chest collapses in on itself when you hear those words, mirroring his. Hope blooms up like a poisonous flower choking you with every inhale.

You wish he would give your heart back, but he doesn’t even know he has it.

 

* * * * * 

 

You’re at your favourite coffee shop, a little establishment hidden from onlookers by tall buildings and busy streets. It’s always quiet there, always an escape from reality and him.

There’s an old man in the booth opposite to you. He’s reading the paper and you don’t really pay much attention to him until he scratches behind his ear and you’re reminded of how he does that as well.

You get out of there as fast as possible, grabbing your coffee and running into someone on the busy street.

“I’m sorry mister!” a little boy in front of you says. His eyes are big and full of regret and everything reminds you of him, because he looks like that too when he apologises.

You must look crazy when you run away, but you don’t care. You’ve lost your mind anyway.

 

 * * * * *

 

“Why did he have to leave me?” he asks one night out of the blue, collapsing on you again. You’re more than happy to catch him.

“I don’t know,” you mumble. “I really don’t know.”

The honesty behind the words should surprise you, but it doesn’t, not anymore. You’ve known you’re lost for a long time.

A sob wrecks his body, making him choke on his own breath and you feel like you can relate. He’s hyperventilating, air fleeing out of his lungs and you rub his back, trying to calm him down.

“You know,” he says when he can breathe again, “I’m really happy you’re here. I love you.”

The air flees out of your lungs into his.

 

* * * * * 

 

_Although I’m glad to help you out and get your feet back on the ground, please understand, I’m just a man - you understand, I’m just a man._

“Hey.”

You know you shouldn’t be here, but you are anyways. He said he doesn’t want any help, but you know he needs it.

“Are you okay?” you ask him and you mean it. You know he’ll say yes, even if the answer’s no, but you don’t care. He has to comfort you too.

“I’m fine,” he says and he’s actually smiling for the first time in weeks, his eyes twinkling with genuine happiness and you feel warmth spreading through chest. You missed his smile. “I think I’m over him.”

You don’t know what to say. You’re overwhelmed with happiness, gratitude and false hope. Maybe he’ll see how much you love him this time.

(He won’t. He never does and he won’t now.)

 

* * * * * 

 

_And I feel helpless when I stumble and my anxiety escapes. I lose all hope when I’m afraid that once again I’ve lost my place._

“I really love you, you know.”

It comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. You wish you could push it back in, swallow the words down because saying it makes it more real. He tenses for a second and you’re afraid you’ve fucked up.

“I love you too.”

You wish your heart rate would slow down.

 

* * * * * 

 

_I give it all, and when I fall, I get up to give some more. Until there’s nothing left of me, just some bones stacked on the floor._

“I think I’ve met someone,” he says randomly when you’re eating breakfast. You almost spit out your cereal. Your chest clenches but you ignore it. You’re his friend and your duty is to support him in every decision he makes.

(You knew he wouldn’t notice but you still hoped he would.)

“That’s great!” you say with false enthusiasm. You’re smiling and you’re hoping you’re doing a good job, though you know you probably aren’t, not right now. “Who is he?”

“I bumped into him at Tesco’s the other day. He’s cute and he asked me out. Oh god, I really like him.”

You smile again, congratulating him before you go back to your cereal. If only he knew how bad he hurts you. You can feel yourself crumbling again, but you pretend you aren’t. You have to keep it together, if only for him.

 

* * * * * 

 

_But every song’s a two way street, I give to you, you give to me. And as long as that remains I will still haul my heavy feet._

“Are you okay?” he asks you this time. You almost laugh at the irony. You’re never okay, not when he’s around.

You nod but the tears keep streaming down your face. His boyfriend is nice and handsome and amazing and so much better than you are that it hurts.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

He wraps his arms around you and lean into him. Your mind is screaming at you that this is a bad idea but you can’t help it.

It just makes you cry harder. Your body is shaking, you’re gagging on nothing as nausea bubbles up from within you. It isn’t fair; you’re not even a whisper in his thoughts yet he’s screaming in yours.

 

* * * * *

 

_Because you’re all worth every word and yeah you’re all here in my heart._

“I can’t believe you actually got me a signed copy of a Muse album.”

He’s bouncing around the apartment, smiling crazily at the vinyl in his hand. You shrug and smile; it’s definitely worth the money.

Then he looks at you, his eyes shining with unshed tears of happiness and gratitude. He stalks over to you and wraps his arms around you, burying his head in the juncture between your neck and your shoulder and it makes your throat constrict, like he’s wrapping himself around it and choking you.

You hug him back, breathing him in. He’s worth every penny.

 

* * * * * 

 

_And I know we can sing together to avoid falling apart._

You’re both crying. It almost makes you laugh. God, you’re both messes. You’re on the sofa, trying to comfort each other but ultimately just making everything worse. You can’t help it though; if you don’t, you’ll fall apart.

His boyfriend broke up with him again. It’s not a surprise, but he’s always down after a break-up. You wish you could give him some self-esteem because his self-hatred is what makes you cry.

He came storming into your room, his face wet with tears, demanding to know why you were still friends with him, because he’s disgusting and ugly and not worth anything and you wanted to scream at him.

So you did.

You didn’t scream what you wanted to, You didn’t tell him how much you love him or how perfect he is to you. How everything he does makes your chest ache and how his sadness is yours.

You screamed that he should stop exaggerating, stop pretending to be sad because he isn’t. Which is bullshit and you know it. He’s always sad, but you just can’t take it anymore.

Leaving is out of the picture though. He needs you, because he needs someone to care for him and you’re the only one who’s here.

(You need him to care for you too, you just don’t want to admit it to yourself.)

 

* * * * * 

 

_At the end of everything, this is for you, this is for me._

You wonder why you’re still around. Your mum told you to leave when it became too much. You didn’t.

(Your mum has always been right, you’ve always listened to her. Why not now?

Maybe you’re just too infatuated with him. Maybe you’re drowning in his eyes the just like he is.)

(Maybe because the thought of leaving him makes your heart writhe and carve in your chest until the space it’s laying in has become too big.)

 

* * * * *

 

_Your fight to overcome defeat has set the skies alight for me._

“I’m over him.”

It catches you off guard. You’re glad for it, but it’s unsettling. He’s never gotten over someone this quickly.

“You sure?”

You try to keep your tone casual but you know your face betrays you. Your hands start to shake and you dig your nails into your thighs to keep them still. He smiles brightly at you and it sets you on fire.

“Yeah.”

 

 * * * * *

 

_I give it all, and when I fall, I get up to give some more. Until there’s nothing left of me, just some bones stacked on the floor._

You’re happy like this. Seeing him smile and laugh and look at you makes blood rush to your head and your heart pounce in your ears.

(You’re good at ignoring that; pretending nothing’s real and he’s just a friend. He’s not, not to you. He hasn’t been for a long time.)

You’ll just keep throwing yourself against a closed door until it breaks every bone in your body.

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah idek???? whose pov did you think it was?
> 
> have a nice day!
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://ninchuser.tumblr.com)


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